...Dear blog, that sometimes I hate my parents for picking each other, for getting married, and for giving birth to me? Not because I hate the life I've got, far from it, but becuse sometimes I feel like I contain all of the worst qualities found in my mother and father.
It's mainly the contradictions that I find unsettling. I have inside of me both an introvert and an extrovert - my father and my mother - and, probably because my parents are extremely introverted and extremely extroverted, I find in myself extreme loneliness when I'm alone, and extreme loneliness when I'm not. I don't fall in the middle - my father's ascetic tendencies do not cancel out my mother's verboseness - and I wish I could be one or the other. My dad, who can sit in a single room and be silent for days, eating peanuts, filing taxes. Doing whatever a CPA does. Or my mother, who thrives on people, almost like a goddess, sucking out a mortal's life-force with her blubbering.
Sometimes I feel terribly sad when I'm alone, and sometimes I feel terribly sad when I'm not. Usually I can tell; either I need to be away from people, or I need to find my friends.
So, what do you do when the remedies don't work? When you find yourself alone and lonely, only to transfer to a group, and feel solitude anyway?
I know one thing; I would rather be alone and lonely, than with someone and withdrawn.
P.I. Staker
Because black and white's obsolete in this technicolor world of ours
1 comment:
To be both an introvert and an extrovert is kind of exciting, don't you think? Though troubling at times, maybe you actually have the best of both worlds. Learn to work with both sides and soon you'll be weaving your way through social and solitude expertly.
Or perhaps it is the company you keep that's bringing you down?
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