Things That Seem...

Dear Blog, 

What follows is a list, with explanations, of Things That Seem Like They Will Never Go Away. 

Ahem. 

•  Your Period. Does everyone feel this way? When that most blessed of weeks arrives, it is as if those 4-9 days last an eternity. And let's not even talk about the bitching that goes on. Damn. I suffer from this great affliction, but even I can see what a hellion I become. (Apologies, friends. I don't really mean it)

• That Zit on the Corner of Your Nose. It can only last so long. That one zit you can't seem to break. You pop it - well, hell. That doesn't do any good. You wash it, probably doing more good than popping that little bastard, but where's the instant gratification? Answer: You don't get any. 

• Bronchitis and/or the Flu. Maybe I'm not the best person to be saying this, but I can't seem to shake this cough. I had Bronchitis and/or the Flu a few weeks ago, felt like shit for a good half a week, and have been slowly "getting better", or so those torturous sirens over at the health center keep saying. Granny keeps on hearing me cough and telling me I need to go on medicine again. The only medicine I need is pac-man and coca-cola. 

• Diamonds. They're forever, right? I can't imagine a time when diamonds will not be a symbol (and sometimes the cause of) love, marriage, bribes, robberies, and devotion. When a lady is proposed to, what's supposed to seal the deal? The diamond! What's the cause of many funny sitcom episodes and scenes in romantic comedies? The bumbling fiancee buying his sweetheart too small a diamond on her wedding ring! (And what is a wedding ring if not a yonic? More on this later.) The oldest of robbers? The jewel thief! And what is the jewel thief after? A diamond! Always a diamond! Like Rose in Titanic. All that shit probably would never have gone down if her rich little fiancee had never bought her that diamond, "The Heart of the Ocean". She probably would have ended up in Cancun, drinking Margaritas with Jack. Let's just look at the diamond industry - or, rather, the jewelry industry. "Every kiss begins with Kay"? "He went to Jared"? All of these ads are vying for the middle to upper class male, trying to trigger some basic instinct inside his brain that equates presents with sex. They're trying to sell sex, of course. And, because sex (or the want of it, rather) will never go away, diamonds will never go away either. So just think about that the next time you watch Sweet Home Alabama, crying your eyes out while Patrick Dempsey proposes to Reese Witherspoon in Tiffany's. I got you locked between the eyes, Dempsey. I know your game. 

• Using "X" as the Variable of Choice. What is it about "X" that makes him so popular? From 5th grade until college, using "X" as the first variable is standard. Give me variable "G". Give me variable "E"! I'm finding some happiness in college, oddly enough, in physics, where no variable is "X". This throws me off intensely. I say I want a variable "E", but what I really mean is "I want to not be conditioned to only want the variable "X" ". Because that's what's happened to me, conditioning. And, aside from more conditioning, there's nothing I can do to combat this. Ironic, that. 
• Here is Where I Would Say Camel Lights...But... Never mind. They changed their formula (supposedly because that all-powerful "they" found pesticides in the old Camel Lights, and therefore had to make some changes to keep up the good ole' PR). 
• Going Home for the Holidays, Even if it Sucks Sometimes. Case and point? "Oh there's no place like home for the Holidays. No matter how far away you roam. If you want to be happy in a million ways, for the Holidays you can't beat home sweet home." Eh... Debatable. Sometimes. 

Well, there it is, blog. An updated list of Things That Seem Like They Will Never Go Away. I hope you had as much fun as I did. 

P. I. Staker